Then perhaps your Guilt-Signal is a bit OFF?? Let’s find out…
Your guilt-signals might be a little off if…
…you identify with any of the following:
- You often feel like you haven’t done enough.
- Your worth is almost only connected with what you do, not who you are.
- You feel like what you bring to the table isn’t good enough.
- You worry that you can’t meet people’s expectations.
- Perhaps you feel uncomfortable when people around you are in a bad mood, and you feel like it’s your responsibility to fix it. Or you even feel like it’s your fault.
Our upbringing can influence why we often feel guilt
I don’t know your unique situation, but I know that our guilt-signal might be completely OFF if we, for example, grew up in a household with emotionally immature parents or other adults.
These people most likely did their best but did not have the capacity to sit with their own pain and difficult emotions and, therefore, projected it onto us in order to feel better. If the event causing pain was our fault, they could still walk away with their self-worth intact.
Our brain tells us a story that can help us influence an unsafe situation
Children also often blame themselves even if nobody told them to. This is just because our brain wants to give us, as children, the option to actually be able to influence/change an unsafe situation in order to better survive. If it’s not our fault, we are kind of powerless.
Understanding our coping strategies is not about blaming
Identifying the root cause of our excessive feelings of guilt is not about playing the blame game. It’s rather about understanding where coping strategies and behaviors come from. When we do, we can change the unconscious story we tell ourselves and stop existing in this destructive state of guilt all the time.
If you feel guilty about things you shouldn’t, it’s most likely your hidden fears blocking your joy
You may feel guilty for all kinds of things that you shouldn’t feel guilty about. If this is the case for you, it is limiting your life tremendously. Below, I have listed a few typical behaviors that result from guilt and hidden fears.
You may spend your life:
- Running other people’s agendas.
- Accepting ”good enough” relationships that actually drain you more than refill you.
- Always being tired since you don’t prioritize recharging.
- Always prioritize others’ needs above your own.
- Not feeling seen and heard for real in your relationships.
- Feeling like, ”Shouldn’t life be more than this?”
- Only surviving, not actually living.
Don’t misunderstand me; it’s not bad to prioritize others’ needs, but the question is: Why do we do it?
The million-dollar question is whether we please others out of love or fear
It’s definitely important to give and prioritize showing up for others; we need to do that more. However, it’s problematic if we do it out of fear rather than from a place of love and care.
A fear-based life do not make you feel alive
When our actions are fueled by a desire to be liked or to feel safer, it can be destructive for both ourselves and our loved ones because we simply create a fear-based life. People stay alive in a fear-based life, but they don’t feel alive.
You wouldn’t want anyone to do nice things for you out of fear, right?
Most people I know want others to do nice things for them out of care and love, not because they feel like they have to or because, otherwise, we wouldn’t like them. So why, then, when we feel guilty and unworthy, do we do that for others?
If we haven’t examined this part of ourselves, we might not understand why we act in certain ways. It can become an automatic habit to respond from a place of fear, such as the fear of:
- Not being enough
- The fear of rejection
- Or the fear of being shamed and criticized if everyone is not happy with us.
Why does understanding the reasons behind our actions matter so much?
It’s significant because our inner world—our subconscious beliefs and programs—are reflected in our outer world. Our actions and intentions are important. It matters if we approach situations with pure, loving intentions, and it matters if our motives come from fear, manipulation, or control.
Nature’s principles are active whether we acknowledge them or not
These are metaphysical principles, much like gravity. It’s easier to accept their existence than to fight against them.
Stop chasing your own tail, never getting any real results
When we truly understand that for our outer environment to change, we need to change within, and that change will then mirror itself in our outer world. That realization alone will help us transform for real and stop chasing our tails and running in circles, never getting any results.
We may attempt to manipulate people, but we cannot manipulate the laws of physics. It’s exhausting to spend an entire life trying to fly without an engine when it simply isn’t possible.
Change your energy of over-pleasing and guilt by working on your subconscious mind
The good news is that we can change our inner environment to support what we want for ourselves and others. It’s not impossible, but it does require methods to engage our subconscious mind.
It also requires a strongly identified WHY because during the process of transformation, there will come times when we want to quit and fall back into old patterns.
Guilt is not an unnecessary emotion; it can play an important role in our lives. It helps us recognize our mistakes and gives us the opportunity to make amends, allowing us to show up in a better way for ourselves and others.
My own struggles with guilt
I struggled with feelings of guilt for a long time. I had past experiences of being criticized, feeling like I was wrong, experiencing shame, and not feeling good enough.
Excessive stress on your body will eventually make it say STOP
For me, this led to putting too much responsibility on myself in my relationships, people-pleasing behaviors, and stress, eventually leading to burnout and depression. It even led to severe gut issues, autoimmune responses, and eczema all over my body.
I had to face my inner darkness and take accountability
It wasn’t until I took a deep look into myself, faced my inner darkness (which we all have), and decided to take accountability for my actions while becoming aware of the true intentions behind them that I started breaking old patterns and feeling better. Healing my gut and eczema also required dietary changes.
Helping others becomes draining only when motivated by the wrong reasons or involving the wrong people.
What happens when we stop acting out of fear all the time? First, we start giving to others, being of service, and speaking light (uplift) into people’s lives in a way that is fulfilling and not draining. You begin to belong and connect with yourself, living life in a way that is authentic, and you’ll attract people who are aligned with you.
You’ll learn the crucial skill of discernment
You will also be more intuned with yourself: your intuition, spirit, and heart, which leads you to a better sense of where your services are actually appreciated and amplified and where they are taken for granted and do no good.
You learn the crucial skill of discernment. This skill took me a long time to learn, and I am probably not at my final destination regarding this skill either.
There will always be people who think those who do not please their needs are selfish; let’s just accept that
The people who think you are selfish because you aren’t constantly pleasing their needs will fade away. Your genuine and wholehearted service and care should not be directed toward those who would take advantage of it.
Those individuals may either create negativity with your kindness or keep it to themselves because that’s how they navigate the world. But that is not who you are.
Your service is amplified when used right
When you are of service, directing your love toward those who truly ”deserve it,” your actions and goodwill are received and amplified in some way. You will feel uplifted, and the person in front of you will be uplifted too.
You are creating a ripple effect; in my opinion, this is how we create a better and more beautiful life for ourselves and others.
When the outside world isn’t good, take a look at your inner world first
We don’t create any good by pointing out what everyone else is doing wrong. We live our most beautiful lives when we have the courage and the guts to take a long look in the mirror and reflect:
- Why isn’t my life the way I want it?
- Why is my relationship toxic?
- How am I treating myself and others?
- When am I manipulating others in order to feel safer?
- When am I trying to control others to have them follow my agenda?
We manipulate when we don’t feel worthy enough
When you examine these issues within yourself rather than focusing on others, you can begin to understand yourself better. I have been very manipulative in my life because I didn’t feel worthy enough to have my needs met, and that lack of worthiness is why we manipulate.
We might think people-pleasing coming from fear is nice, but it’s not
Many of us strongly desire our needs to be met in relationships, but often, due to a bad self-image, we don’t feel we deserve it and are worthy of it.
As a result, we may adopt strategies like manipulation and control. I used to control people by overly pleasing them, hoping to feel safe and loved. Even if these behaviors seem kind, they are really not positive. And they don’t create the genuine relationships most of us desire.
Why do we adopt strategies of manipulation and control?
In my case, I didn’t think I had the right to express how I felt and what I needed because that type of transparent communication had never been demonstrated to me.
Learning wholehearted communication was not easy; it took time
It took me a long time and a lot of practice to be able to communicate openheartedly, and sometimes, it’s still hard, but wow, it definitely leads to true, beautiful relationships.
You don’t need to keep everyone super close to your heart.
However, not everyone can handle the vulnerability and communication without fake masks; it simply scares them due to their own darkness and wounds. Sometimes, they just need your help and practice, and sometimes, this is information for you to know that you can not have that deep, transparent relationship with this person, which is okay too.
We don’t have to keep every single person super close to our hearts. For that to happen, we need to be able to trust them, and that deep trust is not unconditional; it actually needs to be earned.
Don’t prevent people from earning your trust
But we also need to allow people to earn it, making it possible for them, which we might not always do when we have trust issues and have been hurt in the past.
Start within; That’s where the transformation of guilt begins
If we want new results in our lives, we must start from within. Our external environment won’t change if we remain the same. So, don’t listen to ”manifestation gurus” who claim you can write down everything you want, and the universe will deliver it to you.
That’s unrealistic. We live in the real world, which is governed by principles that we must accept and follow to achieve specific results. A blessing is not a blessing when we are not equipped to keep it, whether it is our big love in life or a big amount of money.
So find and let go of everything that blocks the real you; guilt and people-pleasing are not the real you. Excessive guilt can hinder the life we long for, so start transforming it today!
